Wisdom of the Fortune Cookie
by Misadventures
Summary: Those fortune cookies rarely contain fortunes. The worst one Sarah got said, “Wow! A secret message from your teeth!” But not tonight, not after the Labyrinth. Those fortune cookies are going to help Sarah correct the worst mistake of her life. J/S
1. The First of Many Fortunes

**Title:** Wisdom of the Fortune Cookie

**Disclaimer: **The fact that I'm posting this on a _**fan-fiction **_website should indicate that I do not, in fact, own _Labyrinth _or any songs written by David Bowie_. _I do not receive any monetary profit from the use of characters, places, settings, or lyrics found in the book or film versions of _Labyrinth. _This disclaimer, in my opinion, is unnecessary due to the obvious nature of this website, and will be found only in this chapter of _Wisdom of the Fortune Cookie._

Credit to any additional copy written material found in subsequent chapters will be cited in the first chapter in which the material is implemented.

**Summary:** Those fortune cookies rarely contain fortunes. The worst one Sarah got said, "Wow! A secret message from your teeth!" But not tonight…not the night after the Labyrinth. Tonight, those silly fortune cookies help Sarah correct the worst mistake of her life.

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

**Couple:** Jareth/Sarah

**Author's Note:** The three fortunes mentioned in the summary and text are ones that I received within the past two days. And for some reason, Microsoft Word doesn't recognize half the words in that sentence. This isn't my usual style. Usually, I treat description as a luxury like my readers are extremely rich. :P But this is only supposed to be a light, quick, amusing oneshot.

Enjoy!

~*~

It was the night after Sarah escaped from the Labyrinth. The sense of reality in her memories was slipping away, but traces still clung to the edges of her conscious. Those traces hit her with a vengeance in the depth of the night, or early morning, rendering her teary-eyed with sudden poignancy.

But now the lights were on—what shadows existed around the kitchen table were faint and empty. The pleasant aromas of various Asian dishes tickled her. Her father and stepmother didn't mention Sarah's lateness again; they were happily swapping with her: such dumpling for that roll for that delicious-looking piece of wok-fried…_something._

But to the dreamy Sarah, the fortune cookies were the best part. At the end of the meal, everyone took one from the dish in the center of the table and cracked them open. Sarah's stepmother was charmed by hers, Sarah's father chuckled softly at his, but Sarah blanched, her stomach disappeared, and she nearly cried at hers.

Tucked inside the oddly shaped cookie were _two _fortunes.

"_Don't be over confident with your first impression of others."_

The second fortune was even more astounding.

"_You missed the ferry, but you can still catch the boat. Don't hesitate: jump!"_

Sarah tried to hide her disturbing reaction from her parent and parent-substitute. She left the table early and dashed into her room at the earliest convenience.

She still had the fortunes clutched desperately in her hand. Sarah took very little account in fortunes from fortune cookies, especially after receiving one that read, "Wow! A secret message from your teeth!" But after last night, after glimpsing a way, a world, in which her dreams were obtainable and the mundane symbolic, she wanted to believe again. And TWO in one cookie! AND they weren't both ridiculous!

"Hoggle! Ludo—Sir Didymus!" Sarah cried as she scrambled to her vanity mirror. "I just realized I've really, truly made a mistake!"

Her friends from the Labyrinth appeared dutifully, all ears and sympathy.

"I've changed my mind. Do you think he'll let me…come back?"

Far away in a certain Labyrinth, a man with the best looking mullet ever seen was looking intently into a little crystal ball. He snapped up from his slump of desperation and screamed, _"Yes!_ Thank you, _GOD!"_

His victory dance involved a lot of hip-thrusting.

_The End_

;3


	2. Didn't think about that, did you?

**Author's Note: ** A number of people suggested I continue this, and as I conveniently have some ideas, that won't be difficult for the moment. The title will NOT become irrelevant—those mundane little fortune cookies are going to be helping Sarah out again in the future. I hope for this to be a light, humorous fic, and relatively short as I cannot devote more time and energy to something of medium size or detail WHILE working on my other, personal project.

You may notice: the first chapter was far less descriptive than this one, as I wished it to be a quick and simple oneshot. :P

**Thank you, **scriptor-scriptorum, Gothic-Romantic99, notwritten, Solice364, Farie Insignias, LDeetz, and chibi blue mouse for your thoughtful, encouraging reviews. I loved reading them.

Enjoy.

**Chapter two: ** Really didn't think about that, did you?

Sarah decided what she wanted—Jareth—but that alone wouldn't make her dream come true.

After Hoggle, Sir Didymus, and Ludo vanished from the reflection in the vanity table mirror, Sarah waited. Sarah waited not because she thought something was _going _to happen, but because she didn't know how to _make_ it happen. She pulled her little music box out from the drawer and admired it. She matched the intense gaze of the doll's glass eyes and wished for a hint. Then _Labyrinth _came out, as well, and she caressed its red, leather cover fondly, wanting to kiss it for what it had given her. She skimmed through the pages, specific parts between the heroine and the Goblin King, searching for the answer.

What other way was there to call the Goblin King than by offering him an unwanted child? She wasn't about to go through _that _again.

Hours later, she changed into her nightclothes and curled into bed. Maybe she would understand tomorrow, or perhaps a clue would arrive in a dream—if her time hadn't run out by then.

Starlight floated through the window, but no motherly moon peaked in to check on her.

Sleep evaded Sarah for a long time. She pushed her memories of mismatched eyes and poignant songs away and tried to bury herself deep inside, deeper than her fantasies. The luminescent wisps of dreams floating in her head reminded her of sad, taunting fairy lights against the dark. Their light hurt.  
_"I'll place the moon within your heart…"  
_  
Sleep would dull the edge. She just wished she could force it.

Maybe a hallucinogenic pear would help.

~*~

Sarah spent the next day, a bright Monday, drifting around her house. It was a school holiday, and she was grateful because her mind was so bloody restless. Sarah alternated between brooding stares out the window and feverish flicks through pages of _Labyrinth. _She soon discovered that even the ordinary in her home bore a mocking resemblance to the fantastic objects in the Labyrinth. Because Sarah could, as yet, do nothing, the memories they evoked agitated her.

The music box in her bedroom winked at her, like a victorious rival competitor for a very dear prize. Then the bowl of fruit in the kitchen was suddenly well-stocked with _peaches_. The coo-coo clock in the family room reminded her of the thirteenth hour while the dining room reminded her of elegance and dancing.

Sarah wound up on the front porch, her legs dangling over the arms of a patio chair.  
Did she have to repeat the same speech that made the goblins spirit away her little brother? Would that even work? Would Jareth come for the same child a second time? And once she spoke to him, would he forget about the child, or were there rules to his actions? Would she have to go through the whole bloody Labyrinth again, regardless of how Jareth felt?

As her thoughts rambled on, her stepmother's car pulled up in the driveway. The woman got out of the car with two large shopping bags hanging from her arms and went to the front door. Her walk was a stream of repetitive, hard-heeled clicks and clacks on the pavement. Her earrings caught the light: curving tendrils of silver and blue topaz gems crafted to look like flowering, fruitful ivy.

Sarah's stepmother greeted her at the door, and the brunette returned the gesture with far less hostility than usual.

"Where'd you go?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, to Devon's on the post road. Toby needed some new shirts; he's growing fast!" she said lightly. "I found something for you, too."

She reached into the bag, felt around a bit, then procured a small jewelry box wrapped in delicate, luminescent wrapping paper. Sarah took it, somewhat bewildered.

"Thank you…" she murmured as she tore off the paper and the lid. Inside, nestled on fluffy white fabric, was a pair of peculiar sterling silver earrings. Sarah lifted one up and held it before her face. The clear, door-shaped moonstone in the center glinted comfortingly at her. The sight made her think of soft, maternal murmurs in the back of her mind—_everything's going to be all right, love, don't be afraid! _Around the door were fantastic waves and curls, reminiscent of celestial lights inside a delicate frame of gently curved wire. And all of this hung from a thin, fragile French hook.

"They're amazing!" Sarah cried, as refreshing, simple delight spread through her for the first time that day. "Thank you!"

Her stepmother was pleased.

"Hit the nail on the head, didn't I? I know we haven't had a great relationship in the past, but I'm willing to work on it, and I hope you want to do the same. Consider these a peace offering from someone who cares deeply for you."

Sarah didn't respond, she was still staring dreamily into the moonstone as her stepmother went through the front door. The design of the earring—it looked like a gate to the moon. A shiver of delight trembled though her, making her squirm as though tickled.

Sarah took the other earring out of the box and placed the pair in the front pocket of her jeans.  
Her ears weren't pierced, and the earrings reminded her of silver dresses, love songs, and candlelight.

~*~

Sarah sat before her vanity mirror, peering at the two fortunes in her hands.

_Don't be overconfident with your first impression of others_.

Perhaps that meant that Jareth _didn't _want her. But it could also mean that Jareth _wasn't _a magical, mulleted stalker. Well, she knew the magical and mullet parts were true—and as to being a stalker? Quite possibly. Sarah briefly toyed with the thought that maybe Jareth never truly wanted Toby, but used him as bait. Good grief, if abducting a child was how he showed his interest, what would their first date be like? If there would _be _dates, that is…

Yesterday, her mind was overrun with her brilliant memories of the Labyrinth. After Toby was safe and the adrenaline wore off, Sarah began to question her decision. When Toby's life, as she perceived it, was in danger, hadn't questioned her actions. Her half-brother's safety—and humanity—came before a opportunity offered by a man she couldn't trust. These thoughts dogged her that night. In the morning, her memories of the Labyrinth were still planted firmly in the front of her mind, and they dogged her throughout the day. She began foolishly looking at shadows to see if they hid goblins and peering closely at ordinary objects, hoping for a message. She wanted someone to help her decide if she made a mistake.

That's where the fortune cookies came in, or so she thought.

_You missed the ferry, but you can still catch the boat. Don't hesitate: jump!_

Sarah bit her lip, glanced around her room again, and called her friends. Within seconds, Hoggle, Sir Didymus, and Ludo appeared in the reflection. The first two greeted her with some concern visible in their faces, and Ludo yelled exuberantly. The topic of discussion was the same as the night before. Sir Didymus listened intently and leaped upon the opportunity with all the chivalric eagerness of a well-meaning fool. Which, coincidentally, he was. Sometimes.

"I think I have a solution, my lady: offer him a child."

"I've already thought of that, but I'm not going to offer him Toby again."

"I said _a _child; _any _child."

"I know, but why would I put anyone through that? Am I even _allowed_ to over someone else's child?"

"It doesn't even have to really _be _a child, I think, much less human. Use poetic license!"

Sarah leaned back in her chair and considered this.

"You know, Sarah," Sir Didymus began gently, "in _some_ cultures, it is believed that a child becomes an adult when they…er, how to put this? They cease to be a child after they have…_been."_

Sarah stared at Sir Didymus for a long moment. Hoggle glanced away and shuffled his feet nervously. Ludo breathed heavily; he was fogging up part of the mirror.

"So I could argue that the person I offered was a child because they were a…" Sarah trailed off, then beamed. "That's very old-fashioned and sexist but I could make a case! Thank you, Sir Didymus!!"  
"Of course, my lady, of course!" the knight said with a deep bow.

Her friends soon departed from the mirror and Sarah was left to imagine her future actions alone.

This was selfish and thoughtless, Sarah realized, but she didn't want to think about it now. She was hopeful; perhaps Jareth could implant false memories in the minds of those who knew her. Yet this hopeful whimsy was combated by the knowledge that Sarah would, eventually, miss her world and family.  
_Don't think about it, don't think about it, I just want this to work!_

~*~

And meanwhile, all this time, Jareth was lost in bemusement. Jareth was in denial, but one could not expect a full recovery in less than two days.

All that bloody build up in the Labyrinth only to be shot down, and after he'd invested himself in that girl. Or lass. Girl wasn't the best word, he realized then.

And she changed her mind—she _changed_ her mind, thank Heaven, so why…

Why was he still here, in his bedroom, _alone?  
_  
Jareth growled and fisted his hair. He went into the laundry attached to his room, removed his leather gloves and vest, pulled up his sleeves, and went to the wash basin. He took it upon himself to clean his clothes for, as anyone acquainted with a goblin knew, an ordinary goblin couldn't properly wash clothes to save his life. However, as Jareth was King, he was blessed with competence in this area. He was most pleased about this, because he considered the state of his clothes to be of vital importance to his character. As well as his hair and eyeliner.

The Goblin King bent over the stone wash basin and began pulling out garment after garment. He examined each in turn and folded it under his arm. He ignored the cool water seeping through his thin, loose shirt and tight trousers. What did it matter? Who of importance was he going to see tonight?

The water in the basin was now empty. Jareth glowered at the single black sock in his right hand, then glared accusingly at the washbasin.

"Now," he grumbled to no one in particular, "I put two socks _into _this wash, and I expect to get two socks _out."_

~*~

Sarah was filled with butterflies and hummingbirds all beating their soft, tickling wings under her skin, or that's what it felt like. If this worked, it was too easy—_definitely _too easy—and she wouldn't believe it. Which is why she wasn't considering the consequences of her actions.

She tried to compose herself but her excitement was tearing her efforts apart. And as much as her excitement was scratching at the bottom of her throat, she would not squeal girlishly.

Sarah clenched her hands at her sides, willing herself to actually _do _this rather than rave about it.

"Goblin King, Goblin King," she called, projecting her voice, "wherever you may be: take this child of mine far away from me!"

If the air and shadows could hear, they did, for suddenly they filled with electric energy. She heard distorted sounds of hissing around her head and scrabbling in the dark—Sarah felt as though the world was inverting around her. Her stomach leaped, her breath was stolen, and there was a change in the light behind her that made her insides dance with excitement.

Sarah spun on her heel to see the foolish, confusing, vain, wonderful, and handsome Goblin King standing in her room. She leaped forward and wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tightly as she could. She positively glowed, she was filled with brilliant warmth, and she didn't care that her clothes were suddenly, for some reason, wet.

Sarah pulled away to look at him. His face bore a distinctly dazed expression, but the next notable detail was the state of his pants.

What she said next was spoken in a tone that was completely inappropriate for the emotional reuniting of star-crossed lovers.

"Jareth, did you wet yourself?"

The almighty Goblin King looked down; the wet clothes under his arm had soaked the crotch of his pants.

~*~

Chapter two, thank goodness. We're going _somewhere._

About the clothing thing—I can't imagine that he'd let just anyone touch his clothing. A bit vain, I'm sure, but female fans of Labyrinth love him for it.

In the next chapter, we will explore why Sarah's rhyme successfully called the Goblin King as opposed to "I wish the goblins would" script in the film.

Thanks in advance to all those kind, thoughtful readers who review!


	3. Author's Note

Dear readers of Wisdom of the Fortune Cookie,

I apologize for the months of delay in updating this fic. The reason for my delay is that I am no longer in the Labyrinth fandom, have no interest in it, and do not believe there is enough substance in a feature-length film on which to build an actual fic unless I essentially create an alternate universe. After realizing that I was uninterested in writing the fic, I hoped to at least add a chapter and end it quickly. Sadly, that will not happen.

I am abandoning this fic. I intend to delete the fic after thirty days of posting this author's note; by this plan, the fic should vanish from by December first. If you wish to save some portion of the two chapters that are on the site for purposes of amusement or whatever else, go a-fricking-head. I don't even need to give you permission.

Thank you for your patience.

-Misadventures


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